Love Is Pain
by WordsLeftUnspoken
Summary: South Korea has mandatory military service of 21 months. There are no alternatives for conscientious objectors except imprisonment. For young Hyo, that means leaving his pregnant wife and unborn child and sacrificing all he loves to fulfill his duty.


**Love Is Pain**

**A/N: This was an entry in a competition that required me to write a story based (roughly) off a song of my choice. I chose 'Lies' by BIGBANG.  
>Now, before reading, it's preferred to know the basic information. South Korea has mandatory military service of 21 months. There are no alternatives for conscientious objectors except imprisonment<strong>.  
><strong>Alright, that should do. Enjoy. (:<strong>

**

Kana's hands trembled as she turned the small parcel over. Her heartbeat quickened. It was from _him _. Her strong, courageous husband, Hyo. Quickly, she tore off the top of the crumpled envelope and tipped it upside down, its contents, a tattered and somewhat singed, leather bound notebook and a folded letter fell into her lap.  
>Kana's eyes widened as immediately, she scooped up the small notebook and opened it, her hand smoothing out the slightly wrinkled paper which was decorated by her husband's messy scrawl. The notebook even smelt like him!<br>Sighing, Kana closed her eyes for a brief moment - it had been two years since she had last seen him - he was off fighting for his country.  
>Fighting back tears, Kana opened her eyes, her eyes traveling down to her husband's notebook.<p>

___December 27, 1949___

_Kana... My beautiful wife, Kana, is pregnant. I cannot wait to share the news with everyone! Mother will be so proud. Father would be, too, if he was still alive. But I know, wherever he is, he too, will be proud. A grandfather at last.__  
><em>_I've already told Baye the fantastic news when I bumped into him at the bar. I assumed he'd be joyful, considering he's my best friend. He did smile when I told him. But it was strained.__  
><em>_Why wasn't he excited, I wonder.__  
><em>_I shouldn't be worrying about that now, though. I have preparations to make for the arrival of my child! I've always wanted a daughter to follow in my footsteps: to make me proud.__  
><em>_Little Sora. I like the sound of that. Our daughter, baby Sora.__  
><em>_I shouldn't spend the evening writing in my journal - have plans to make!___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_December 29, 1949___

_It came today. In the mail: My enlistment letter. I tried not to let Kana see it - I didn't want to worry her. But she knew something was up - I was angry. Anything would put me in a bad mood. And I felt horrible for it.__  
><em>_Kana doesn't deserve for me to be angry at her. I know that I need to be strong - for her sake. For baby Sora.__  
><em>_I asked Baye if he'll meet me at the pub to talk things over. I know that will help clear my mind. It always does.___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_December 31, 1949___

_I didn't mean to hurt Kana. I don't know what came over me. It must have been the alcohol. Baye kept ordering me drinks even after he knew I'd reached my limit.__  
><em>_Funny... He didn't have a single glass. He insisted on walking me back to Kana's and my apartment, and when Kana started yelling at me for coming home late, Baye didn't do a thing when I hit her.__  
><em>_Only after I did, he pushed me out of the house and locked the door so I couldn't hurt her anymore. He then showed her the enlistment letter that I was keeping a secret from her.__  
><em>_Kana, my beautiful Kana. I have disgraced you. I cannot apologize enough.__  
><em>_I know now that I should never have drunk, but it was my only way to take my mind off the enlistment.__  
><em>_And, as a result of my stupidity, I have not returned to my home in two days. I have not seen Kana. Or anybody for that matter.__  
><em>_I hope she forgives me soon.___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_March 19, 1950___

_I haven't written in a while...__  
><em>_I've packed up everything. All that remains of my life with Kana is in a small trunk at the end of my bed, easily accessible by about twenty other men who share my cabin, if not for the padlock I attached to it.__  
><em>_The intense training regime they put each Soldier through is brutal and repetitive. Brutal, in all respects that you return to your cabin and collapse from sheer exhaustion.__  
><em>_I keep reminding myself that this is a mandatory two year service, and it is the least I can do for my country. The very thought that each morning, I wake up and I'm that much closer to finishing my service helps me get by.__  
><em>_And, soon, I will be able to see my daughter. My little Sora. I know she would have been born by now.__  
><em>_I can't wait to see her.___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_April 20, 1950___

_I'm finding less and less time to write in this journal as training starts early and finishes in the late hours of the night, but writing down my thoughts helps me clear my mind.__  
><em>_But I remember the day when my beautiful wife gave me this notebook back when we were young and in love - she was so happy then. I will never forget her smile.__  
><em>_I asked the Lieutenant General permission to go see my daughter, and, after a long debate, he agreed and granted me leave for two days to visit her under strict regulations that I return to the military base before a set deadline on the second day.__  
><em>_And so, I leave tomorrow to see my beautiful daughter. And my Kana.__  
><em>_I don't plan on telling her, though. I think the surprise will be nice.__  
><em>_I hope she missed me as much as I missed her.___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_April 21, 1950___

_This is fucked! It wasn't supposed to be like this! I was supposed to go back home and spend the next two days with my daughter. And with... __her.  
><em>_She must clearly be unable to survive without a man in her life to support her. So, that's where Baye comes in. My fucking best friend! She is in a relationship with him!__  
><em>_And... My daughter... She doesn't even know who I am! She thinks I'm a stranger. She cried when I smiled at her.__  
><em>_No parent should ever have to be a stranger to their own child. The pain... Everything hurts. My heart. My head.__  
><em>_Kana did me wrong. But in the end, I know she is with Baye because he doesn't hurt her. Like I did.__  
><em>_Deep down, I know I still have feelings for her. Feelings of love. But how long they'll last before they turn to hate and anguish, I don't know...__  
><em>_Kana, how could you do this to me? I loved you!__  
><em>_But I guess you just weren't prepared to wait... And forgive.___

_*___

_June 23, 1950___

_I received a letter from Kana this morning, apologizing for how she acted on my visit. She told me she still loved me, but how strong those feelings were, she did not know.__  
><em>_She said that, for now, she would rather remain in touch, but as friends until we can work something out.__  
><em>_I hope we do, too.__  
><em>_She attached a photo of Sora to the letter too. My pride and joy. I was so happy when I saw the photo. I couldn't help but show the rest of my platoon. They all agreed how much she looks like me!__  
><em>_I can't wait until I can see her again. Hopefully, she doesn't think of me as a stranger anymore.___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_July 18, 1950___

_Over the past few weeks, Kana and I have remained in touch, sending each other letters. She seems so content with her life. And with Baye. She's happy, so I'm happy.__  
><em>_But she betrayed me for my best friend... No. Baye isn't my best friend. He never was! He lied to me! They both did!__  
><em>_She also mentioned something about being pregnant again.__  
><em>_Oh, Kana... What have you done?__  
><em>_There has been talk of North Korea and their plans of attacking. I'm not sure how to feel. Frightened and anxious pretty much sums it up. It's not like they can send untrained soldiers into battle, right?___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_August 2, 1950___

_The journey to P'ohang-dong took forever. But it wasn't just due to the fact that we traveled there on the back of donkey-drawn carts -the lucky ones, at least- or marched. No.__  
><em>_It was the silence that really got to me. The calm before the storm, I guess. Everywhere I looked, pale, emotionless faces stared at the ground.__  
><em>_People cried at night, keeping the rest of us up with their wails. After several sleepless nights, and exhausting days, we had made it to P'ohang-dong.__  
><em>_I overheard General discussing platoons this evening. And ours is on the front line. We are to defend P'ohang-dong girls' middle school, which, according to the General himself, is a strategic point for safeguarding the Nakdong River.__  
><em>_The front line? Us? We are inexperienced, barely trained in firearms or any sort of combat. Our previous training resolved around endurance, not in actual combat.__  
><em>_I don't have the heart to tell the boys about this tonight. They'll find out soon enough, I guess.__  
><em>_I just hope I make it back home. I want to see Sora at least once more. And after that, I will leave her, her mother and Baye alone. They can lead happy lives without me.___

_Hyo.___

_*___

_August 11, 1950___

_I received another letter from Kana today, which I didn't get a chance to read properly until we had managed to keep a wave of North Korean soldiers at bay. More were on their way, but until their arrival, there wasn't much one could do except for re-load ammunition, help the wounded and... End the suffering of those who had no possible chance of survival.__  
><em>_My hands were bloodied and left bloody fingerprints on her letter - that was the first thing I noticed about it. The second thing I noticed was that she sounded sad. I scrunched the letter up into a ball and threw it over the side of the trench when I read the last part. Baye was hurting her. And threatening to hurt Sora. How dare he!__  
><em>_I made my way towards the Lieutenant Commander and demanded I saw the General - to ask that I go home to protect my wife. 'No,' he said 'it's war'. I guess it hadn't really dawned on me that once you are in a situation such as this, the only two ways you can leave is victorious, or die. And the North Koreans endless waves of soldiers makes me realist that, for us, at least, we won't be leaving.__  
><em>_There was an explosion to the south! They're back! -___

*

Kana felt her eyes sting. Her body began to shake violently and her heart began to race. She placed the journal on her lap and reached for the folded letter. Her eyes went wide.  
>Hysteric sobs filled the room as her eyes, glassy from tears read over the letter.<p>

___Dear Mrs Park,___

_The Army deeply regrets to inform you that your husband, Hyo Park was killed in action during the performance of his duty and in service of his country. - _

The world began to spin. Kana felt sick.

_- Explosion... - _

That was it. She couldn't read any more of it. She curled up into a ball on the couch, the letter and the journal forgotten, as for hours, she cried. Every inch of her body trembled as she buried her face in her knees. She felt so weak. Her husband. Her courageous Hyo was dead. Gone. Never coming back. Never was she going to get the chance to introduce him to Sora. Their daughter. Theirs!

Kana wiped the tears from her face, her skin tender from crying. She stared emotionless at her hands until Hyo's journal, once again caught her attention. Underneath what she had just read was a small paragraph written hastily and smeared with blood.

___Kana... I'm sorry, but I love you.__  
><em>_It's like I said...__  
><em>_Look, everything's going to be alright, isn't it?__  
><em>_So, then... Why am I crying?__  
><em>

Kana could no longer cry. She was beyond that point. Nothing she could possibly do could express her grief. She touched the small lump on her belly gently and smiled.  
>"Little Hyo," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "You are named after the bravest person I have ever met, and I know you will make him proud."<p>

**

**A/N Hurray for corny endings. So, anyway, that's it.  
>Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I liked writing it?<strong>

**Peace.  
>Chase.<strong>


End file.
